You are not an animal! YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING! And more importantly, you’re a junior agent of the Time Travel Investigation Agency. Every minute of your training has prepared you for… hmm. Actually, your training assured you that today’s events were utterly impossible and you’d never have to deal with anything remotely like them. Nevertheless, there’s a madman loose in the corridors of time, and you appear to be the only one who can stop him.

You sample the air with your enormous T. rex nasal cavities and are treated to a panoramic wonderland of aromas. As your brain acclimates to your powerful new sniffer, you manage to pick out the distinctive scent of cigarette smoke mixed with Aqua Velva. That’s a 1980s mad scientist if you’ve ever smelled one!

You follow the trail upwind and discover your quarry crouched in a patch of shrubbery, scavenging for berries. The thought of eating makes hunger pangs in your belly rumble anew, but there will be plenty of time to satisfy your cravings once you’ve thwarted this villain’s evil—

Hold the phone. Put those two ideas together and you just might be in business.

If you straight up eat that son of a bitch, turn to page 265.

If you get ahold of yourself and try to subdue him in a less lethal manner, turn to page 78.

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