HELLO, I AM A BLOG
HELLLO, I AM A BLOG
Spellmonkeys book one: Tavern Rats is out today.
(“Spellmonkey” is a derogatory term for magic users, who have a reputation for being the biggest pain in the ass in any adventuring party. The joke is that ideally you could train a monkey to cast Dome of Burning, but until then you just have to deal with some wizard’s bullshit.)
Which brings us to our hero! Frinzil is studying magic at the Sorcery Institute, which is kind of a terrible school. But it’s the only one that would defer tuition for promising students, so what are you gonna do?
Alas, after three years she’s still in school and they’re like, uh, you know you have to pay us eventually, right? And Frinzil’s like OH NO
But! One thing she’s learned from ancient magic tomes is WHERE THE REALLY GOOD TREASURE IS AT. So she heads down to the local tavern to hire a band of seedy adventurers to help her fetch that one big score that will set her up forever.
The adventurers, of course, immediately bail on her and tromp off to nab it for themselves. Which leaves Frinzil with… a bumbling orcish summoner? A fog-headed druid who can barely remember his own name? A completely and utterly terrifying elven witch? …Basically, the absolute dregs of the adventurer’s tavern that no other party would take.
Can Frinzil’s ragtag band of spellmonkeys beat the professionals to the Temple of Unrelenting Evil and get the treasure first? Can they even survive the trip?
Tavern Rats is my love letter to old-school RPGs, and to the new generation of players who’ve discovered the hobby and made it their own. It’s diverse, casually queer, and full of joy (even when the characters themselves are miserable, which, I’m not gonna lie, is kind of a lot).
Not sold yet? Read the first chapter for free!
On sale August 10th! If you want to be notified when the pre-order goes live, sign up for my newsletter below.
All Frinzil ever wanted was to study magic, but with three years of back tuition due, she’s about to be kicked out of school forever. When she stumbles upon the location of a legendary scroll, she thinks her money troubles are over… until the adventurers she hires abandon her to snatch the treasure for themselves.
Now her ragtag band of spellmonkeys (a bumbling orcish summoner, a fog-headed druid, and a demon-worshiping nightmare—basically, the dregs of the adventurer’s tavern that no other party would take) must face the perils of Gluumwilde Forest and find the Temple of Unrelenting Evil before the professionals get there first.
Tavern Rats is a love letter to the fantasy role-playing games of yore, and to the new generation of players discovering them today. It’s diverse, casually queer and socially aware, lovingly skewering well-trodden fantasy tropes while looking ahead toward the genre’s future.
More importantly, though, it’s a whole lot of fun.
The audiobook edition of Arabella Grimsbro Versus the “Wonderful” Wizard is available now on Audible! It’s narrated by the magnificent Folly Blaine, who absolutely brings Arabella to life.
You might also have noticed that the title of the book has changed. It turns out that Amazon is not super excited about running ads for books with the word “futhermucking” in the title? So the entire trilogy has a slight rebrand (don’t worry—the insides of the books are unchanged, and still include every single, magnificent f-bomb).
Oh, also! Collected edition!
In other Arabella Grimsbro news, the entire series is now on sale in the Kindle store as a collected edition. It includes all three novels, plus the Sherlock Holmes bonus story, tucked right in between books 2 and 3 where it belongs.
It’s on Kindle Unlimited, too, so if you’re a subscriber and you feel like doing a re-read, you should ABSOLUTELY download the collected edition for free, I WILL GET PAID FOR EVERY PAGE YOU READ, this is the BEST SCAM EVER.
Kirkus has reviewed Robot the Robot for their upcoming July issue, and it’s live on their website now!
A book that is as helpful as its protagonist. Robot learns how to get in touch with their own feelings and finds ways to help a lonely newcomer, a hungry extraterrestrial pet, and a pair of grown-ups with rigid views on binary gender roles.
Awwwww, thanks Kirkus! You can read their entire review here.
Robot the Robot is here to help is my first book for young readers, and it comes out on August 26. You can preorder it if you want!
Book three of the Futhermucking Classics series is upon us!
Oz was awful, Barsoom was somehow worse, but now Arabella’s locked in a submarine with a psychopathic sea captain and beginning to abandon all hope of ever returning home. So when she receives a secret message from someone from the outside, she has a choice to make: Sit back and enjoy a narrative that includes regular meals and an actual bed? Or push the boundaries to search for answers and risk winding up in a watery grave?
You can buy it on Amazon right now!
I’ve had so much fun writing this series,
It’s the second book in the Futhermucking Classics series, and this time Arabella is taking on Edgar Rice Burroughs’s A Princess of Mars. If you don’t want to go back and read the Wizard of Oz one first, don’t worry! It’s specifically designed so you can jump right in if all you care about is BARSOOM.
But if she thought Oz was bad, she’s in for a surprise when she trades beloved childrenʼs literature for manly pulp adventure. Giant green monsters! Sword fights to the death! The healing power of toxic masculinity! Welcome to Barsoom, where everything has extra limbs and nobody wears clothes.
Also, the only way out is pretty much death. So… hooray?
You can buy it on Amazon right now! (And please do!)
THAT IS ALL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH