The “Wonderful” Wizard of Futhermucking Oz
Arabella Grimsbro is a 15-year-old girl with a mouth like a dock worker and an attitude to match. When she walks into Voyages Through Literature—a cheesy mall store promising virtual reality tours of public domain classics—the last thing she expects is to be whisked away to an actual, magical world.
To make things worse, this Oz is very different from the one she saw in a movie when she was little. Ferocious beasts with grizzly bear bodies and tiger heads? A town of creepy, porcelain dolls? The Tin Woodsman lying broken and battered at the bottom of a ditch? Arabella will need more than surliness and silver slippers to find the answers at the end of this rainbow—or even just survive the trip.
The print edition runs 146 pages.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Profanity, for real
If you are considering purchasing this book for a child, please be aware that, among other obscenities, it features some variant of the word “fuck” eighty-seven times.
(Eighty-eight if you include the editor’s note.)
A. Grimsbro, Warlord of Mars
If Arabella thought Oz was bad, she’s in for a surprise when she trades beloved childrenʼs literature for manly pulp adventure. Giant green monsters! Sword fights to the death! The healing power of toxic masculinity! Welcome to Barsoom, where everything has extra limbs and nobody wears clothes.
Also, the only way out is pretty much
The print edition runs 166 pages.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Twice the f-bombs!
Because A Princess of Mars was originally intended for those with more mature sensibilities than The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, we don’t feel the need to caution readers as strongly about the coarseness of the language that lies herein. If you are concerned, however, you should know that, including the one on this page, this manuscript features one hundred and seventy-five.
Also, everybody’s naked.
Twenty Thousand Leagues, Futhermuckers
Oz was awful, Barsoom was somehow worse, but now Arabella’s locked in a submarine with a psychopathic sea captain and beginning to abandon all hope of ever returning home. So when she receives a secret message from someone from the outside, she has a choice to make: Sit back and enjoy a narrative that includes regular meals and an actual bed? Or push the boundaries to search for answers and risk winding up in a watery grave?
The print edition runs 152 pages.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Still a lot of swearing, you guys
We’ve long insisted that Arabella Grimsbro curses like a sailor, but since this entire adventure takes place at sea, it should be noted that even the motley,
The Whole Speckled Band Clusterf*ck
The continued adventures of Arabella Grimsbro, who is absolutely done putting up with your shit. It’s a 12,000-word Sherlock Holmes story that takes place in between Futhermucking Classics book two (A. Grimsbro, Warlord of Mars) and
If you haven’t read the other Arabella books, though, it works as a pretty solid introduction to the series, and should give you a good idea of what they’re about: public domain classics, a ton of swearing, and one pissed-off 15-year-old girl who looks like she probably wants to punch you in the neck.
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